The Bantam Banterer

1. “You’re just a wheel on my motorcycle, no matter how many times you roll I’m still the one driving.”
2. “I am so lazy that I don’t even do stuff to get a guy, the greatest effort I did was to sit down.”
3. “I, as an irrationally  scared teenager, am still afraid of ghosts and horror movies. That’s why I don’t add ugly people on Facebook, every photo is a horror story.”
4. “If I were a boy, I wouldn’t even know how to survive. The greatest girl in the world doesn’t exist anymore.”
5. “If ever the country would be lucky enough to have me as its first queen, my first order for social equality would be the segregation of beautiful infants to the not-so-beautiful ones. The former must be confined in a special facility until they reach the legal age and the latter must have special training in coquetry. That’s the only way we can achieve equal distribution of the male species in this country.”

*All quotations must be well attributed when used. Thank you. 

PART ONE 
Q1. He’s sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? 

A: Suits, HIMYM, Big Bang Theory or Adventure Time :))

Q2. You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? 
A: Problem is, I don’t think he likes vegetables.

Q3. What’s one food he doesn’t like? 
A: Okra =)))

Q4. You go out to eat. What drink does he order?

A:Large fries, large coke. =))

Q5. Where did he go to high school? 
A: Infant Jesus Montessori School, Santiago City Isabela 

Q6. What size shoe does he wear? 

A: 8 :)

Q7. If he were to collect anything, what would it be? 

A: Books :) 

Q8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? 
A: Nothing in particular. 

Q9. What would he eat every day if he could? 
A: Fries. :))

Q10. What is his favorite accessory? 
A: Tribal bracelets or the rosary armlets given by lola madre. :) 

Q11. What would he never wear? 
A: A tutu. =))) I think he would wear a tutu if given the chance so none.  

Q12. What is his favorite sports team? 
A: 

Q13. Who did he vote for President? 
A: I think, though he could already, he wasn’t able to vote last 2010. 

Q14. Who is his best friend? 
A: He says I’m his best friend, but as a really good guy he has a lot of best friends like Francis, Dikay, Ken, Aivan, Tim and all the others in Beerkada Barkada. :)

Q15. What is one thing he wishes you wouldn’t do? 
A: Cheat on him. 

Q16. What is his heritage? 
A: Besides being Ilocano, he is also Chinese, Japanese, and Korean sometimes. But most of the time he’s my very own citizen. :)) 

Q17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake? 
A: Disregarding the fact that I can’t bake or cook at all, I’ll bake him a chocolate cake. :))

Q18. Did he play sports in high school? 
A: Cheerdance and Basketball. :)

Q19. What could he spend hours doing? 
A: LOL, Watching sitcoms, reading books, or at the least of all things—being weird with me. 

Q20. What is one unique talent he has? 
A: Empathy,Verbal Reasoning and unbiased understanding

PART TWO 

Q1: What are your middle names? 
A: Rodriguez, yours truly and his is Flores. 

Q2: How long have you been together? 
A: Quite short in time, but farther, deeper and longer in feelings, understanding and love. 

Q3: How long did you know each other before you started dating? 
A: I’m not really sure, quarter of a year I guess. 

Q4: Who asked whom out? 
A: He asked me out. :))) MOVIE? agad agad HAHAHA. =)))

Q5: How old are each of you? 
A: HAHAHA. I’m 19 looking 15, he’s 23, looking… hmmmm

Q6: Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? 
A: Being geographically far away from each other every vacation. 

Q7:Did you go to the same school? 
A: Yup. :)

Q8: Where do you eat out most as a couple? 
A: Usually we order food somewhere (usually KFC hahaha, sabik e. =))) then we eat inside his apartment. 

Q9:Who has the craziest exes? 
A: Both. =)))

Q10: Who has the worst temper? 
A: It depends on the problem, or on the phase of the moon, or on the weather. 

Q11: Who does the cooking? 
A: Him 

Q12: Who is the neat-freak? 
A: None in particular. 

Q13: Who is more stubborn? 
A: Me. HAHA. :| (i know)

Q14: Who wakes up earlier? 
A: Me. :))

Q15: Where was your first date? 
A: In the library. =)))

Q16: Who is more jealous? 
A: Lalalalala. =))))))))))))))) Hahaha. 

Q17: How long did it take to get serious? 
A: Not so long, it started serious. :)

Q18: Who eats more? 
A: Him. :)

Q19: Who’s better with the computer? 
A: Alexe, the computer geek, whom I cannot live without! =))

Lying on my bed talking to the Boss of my life, slightly panicking and uneasy. I move from one side of the bed to another. For someone still afraid of the dark and who cannot sleep without the light turned on, it was positive. I constantly stare at the different corners of my room wishing that nobody is there. There’s none of course, but still I am drenched in fear. 

My first day of internship starts tomorrow and it splits my insides apart. The best thing that could happened was the spilling of teardrops on my pillows and my voice stinging as I argue with the Boss. It’s my first day tomorrow and I am totally out of focused. Busted, I slept at around 2 a.m. with the comforting “long-distance embrace” of my Boss but with anxieties of acting dumb tomorrow. 

The song When They Fight They Fight served as a stick in my craw when it woke me up at 5:30 in the morning under my optimistic will of being early of course. 

My barely 20-year-old self got the better of me when I turned off the alarm and went back to the comfort of my soft but slightly saliva-doused pillow. 

I tried my very best to pull away from my bed at 7 a.m. I hurriedly went downstairs to print an e-mailed form and eat breakfast which I didn’t enjoy because I was struck by the thought of the fast metabolic process that I frequently have during hinky times. Images of me rushing to the restroom in the middle of an interview Comelec Chair Sixto Brillantes Jr., constantly flash into my mind. At first they seem like a fearful thought, in the end it only served as my inspiration to PUSH further and harder while I sit and read a newspaper inside our bathroom.

I then took a very relaxing shower and help myself accumulate my hard-ass guts by playing Greenback Boogie (Suits theme song) by Ima Robot and by repeatedly saying some Harvey Specter, Mike Ross and Donna Paulsen punchlines as I get dressed. To get a confidence boost, I flashed a smile at my mirror before I go and tap myself at the shoulders, “Jan, you’ll do just fine.”

Not contented with my established “first-times ritual,” I released Jack our dog from his cage and chased him as he dashed and avoided me while I try to cage him back and excite my senses in the pursuit of increasing my confidence. Luckily, my brothers arrived from their early morning training so I left and let Jack ran around.

As I traveled to Palacio De Gobernador I reviewed the necessary things I need on my first day by recapping some Specter-Ross scenes in my head and not until I almost got hit by a pedicab when I realized that sitcoms and dramas are weird real life action references but they help anyhow. 

I smiled, bid the guard a great morning, showed my press card and told him that I’m headed to the media center of the Comelec. Surprisingly, I was swooned by his kind words “Sige ma’am, 8th floor kararating lang ni Chairman kahapon.” 

I logged and got my visitor’s I.D. from the reception. I went up, traversed the 8th floor and went inside the media center. I was quite relieved to see two familiar faces from UST. Both of them are interns in the Philippine Star, both are mentored closely, while I’m on the loose. 

The media center is rectangular in form that is home to various distracting and attention-getting sounds like ABS-CBN anchors in the two TV screens and multiple banging/shooting/popping sounds from the computers and smart phones of the reporters hooked into their own battles. One is trying to protect his brains and army of plants from being eaten by funny looking zombies. Another one next to him is trying to find items inside mystery rooms and treasure boxes. While a whole lot get lost in candy land, clearing jellies or chocolates or beating scores under time pressure with a certain number of moves in Candy Crush Saga. Enticed by its tune, I took my phone out and played. It turned out that I out-leveled the other reporters in Candy Crush and I hope I could say the same in my writing. 

Having the game smarts for them to accomplish their respective Candy Crush levels and the youthful aura to approach these grown-ups, I did not hesitate to talk to them upon hearing their own rants about how certain levels are just quite impossible to accomplish. I was awkward at first as I always has, but I think I did quite well. 

I asked my co-interns if we could roam around and sniff the news out of the hustle-bustle in the 8th floor. We asked a few Comelec personnel who were hesitant in giving away information. So I thought, is there something wrong with the way I asked or is it my baby face that repels them. Fortunately, somebody answered our queries and even introduced a person from the Law department if ever we need information. 

I sat inside the media center and observed, the last thing I saw before we headed to the chairman’s office was the failed Candy Crush level 19 of one of the cameramen. 

Inside Chairman Brillantes’s office, the seemingly lax reporters turned into the professionals I expect them to be especially when Chairman sat with us. Although a lot of the questions and commentaries are personality-based, most of it spurred the interaction and somehow lighten the mood every once in a while. 

I was very timid so I never got the chance to ask a question. At least I’m learning in a good pace. I gathered my facts and wrote my story, however I struggled at finding an internet connection and an internet shop so I submitted it a bit late. 

Under the heat of the boiling sun threatening to make me my skin look like when I used to swim for 5 days every week, I battled my shutting eyes and endured my 1 and a half hour of travel toward home. 

I took a shuteye, assuring myself that I’ll do better tomorrow. For now, I shall plunge into deep sleep and maybe I could dream of a creative way to get a scoop. 

Ideally, one has to arrive early, roam around, sniff out all that there is and pick a good one, write it, read it, revise it, submit, rest, and study for tomorrow’s coverage. The twist is you have to do this quick like a snap, gather the facts in a second, in another tick connect them logically, and in another read a background document no matter how long it is as long as when the clock hits 3 p.m. you better made sure you click send. 

I guess I’m living with a new perspective,

throwing all the medals I put on, 

stripping all the honors I have won. 

This world needs a new directive, 

a place where men count their frames, 

a place where envy feels like flames. 

We all dry in the marshes as captives, 

of the measures we invent and foretold, 

thinking that we are made of silver or gold. 

So I guess I must find new perspectives, 

after I’ve thrown the medals I put on, 

and stripped the honors I have won. 

After all I’ve known they aren’t effective, 

they are cold on the skin,

and fade inside a bin. 

I found myself a new perspective, 

I look back at the mirror and see

flesh, blood and a soul that needs to be free. 

I now read in this new perspective, 

thrown all the books that I don’t need,

wrote lines that my heart shall bleed. 

I now have a new motive, 

that drives me to a school of learning,

not to numbers that don’t reflect true yielding. 

A golden man breaks my new perspective, 

with his mountain-high achievements 

soul and heart cold as pavements. 

He looks down at me and brags—in reflective 

of what stupid monster he has become to my perspective, 

I sat back and admire hypocrisy at its best incentive. 

Clearly his desire was served effective, 

He walked away with a smile

comparing my “meters” to his “mile.” 

I said “Go ahead big man take pleasure in what you conceive,

laugh at failures like me, if that’s what you believe.” 

Call me indifferent, call me blind,

but in blood and fire I will find,

true honors for myself and for others to receive

that’s my life in this new perspective. 

Film teaches us what we need to know about life. That we have to think in order to get the beautiful life we want and that sometimes we need to do the thinking fast in order to not miss the perfect moment, and through these things we undergo the process of development. 

It was one of those moments when you don’t exactly know what to say or do. You want him to realize how disappointed you are but you don’t want to hurt him. In this voyage, you suffer from a form of silence that conceals your burden. It throbs from the heart up to the veins in your hands. And your hands electrify as it tries to avoid the soft touches he makes, because you know deep down that this touch will make you melt and all the act of appearing to be stiff and ok will be blown away. 

There is nothing wrong in being grade conscious, it is a sign of concern and a matter of being considerate of your parents’ efforts to contribute in your well-being. However competing by numbers and thinking that you are better than others because you got higher grades than them is a different matter. It’s not being grade conscious, it’s insolence and clear manifestation of immaturity. We should not confuse ourselves that academic excellence is synonymous with nobility and being mature. As a personal thought, I believe that academic excellence go beyond numbers because the motive of studying is to learn things that could enhance your mental prowess which shall later work for the welfare of your nation. But in the culture of the “grade-driven,” excellence ends in the acquisition of a prize and the knowledge gained is wasted as mere bragging rights without its rightful evolution into functional action. Knowledge slowly diminishes into thin air and is replaced by the eccentric thoughts of how great the self-proclaimed achiever thinks he is. Indeed high grades, honors and awards are hard-earned and worthy of appraisal but the motives and the means of attaining them shall equal the honor. 

That moment when you just feel so proud of yourself because you found someone greater than you have ever imagined for yourself, and his greatness shined all over the place that it startled your mom, your brother and most importantly yourself—which you find very odd because he does this to you every single time.

—Jan Eidrienne De Luis